Posted By: Jill
Knowing God - 03/07/01 04:43 PM
I was raised in the SDA church, and even though I was involved I didn't feel I knew God. So as many teens do I did the rebellious thing and strayed away. The I married and when my life should've been at its best I felt something missing. So I prayed adn asked God to know him better. He made me a mother. Wow, to know unconditional love. This precious baby that made me fat, wouldn't let me sleep, cried for no reason for hours on end, and then expected me to take care of her anyway. I did and loved her more everyday. That's how I treated God and He loved me anyway, but He wasn't finished with the lesson. He made me a mother again. This time my baby was sick with a terminal illness. I still love her unconditionally, but this is where my real lesson begins. When she got sick and had to spend time in the hospital the first thing they do is put in an IV. Some parents can't handle it and let their child go in the room with the nurses, while they wait somewhere else, but I cannot leave my child to be afraid so in I go. (God never leaves our side either) Laying her on the table I wrapped my arms around her body to hold her still. As they poke her, she screams and the tears start to flow. "Mommy help me!" I hold her tighter and tell her it's ok as I fight the tears. She looks to me for security and I'm letting someone cause her pain. The first try blows a vein so they have to do it again. "Mommy let me up. You can help me" I smile so she can't see my pain and tell her I am helping her. Another vein blown and they have to try again. Another scream and more tears as her eyes look to me for an explanation. "Mommy take me home. I want to go home."
How can I be thankful to God for such a horrible experience? I now understand what He did for me holding Jesus on the cross. God held His only on the cross as Jesus cried, "Father help me! Let's find another way." God had to look away so Jesus couldn't see him cry and say "There is no other way."