Last year on July 29, 2005 a neighbor came to me with three little one day old kittens. The feral mother had abandoned them and she could not take care of them, would I?

Since I am disabled and no longer worked I took a deep breath and wondered could I do it. I had never done such a task in my life. What a blessing the Internet can be as I learned as fast as I could what I could do until the next morning. Goat's milk is about the best universal animal milk that one could give and that night that is what the three of them got.

During the two hour feedings one had passed away, but the other two were hanging on demanding their milk. And so this went for one a whole week of two hour feedings, burping and cleaning behinds and the two continued to grow.

By the next week it was two hours during the day and four hours at night of feeding, burping and cleaning. Then the third week was every two hours during the day and two times at night, then the four week wasy four hours during the day and once at night.

Then came the fun part of them learning to eat solid food, what a mess. By this time they both had their names of Samuel and tobias. By six weeks they got their first shots and by ten weeks their final shots.

I gave Tobias to a friend of mine that wanted him very much and I kept Samuel. I fell in love with this little runt of a cat and enjoyed him so much. He was my little boy and more than any of my five cats he was the one that was with me all the time, no wonder I still was his mother.

On September 18, 2006 Samuel passed away. It is called FIP for short but is Feline Infectious Perdonitis and is fatal in all cats. It came as fast and quickly took him from me. He died in my arms at the vet as he was put to sleep so he would not suffer anymore as the blood tests and symptoms were getting worse each day.

I still miss him so much. He filled my days with love and companionship and I am still at the angry stage of grief. The other cats are demanding more of me now that he is gone. Not sure if they feel my grief or they miss him as well.

His time was so short and I feel cheated of all the years that I could have enjoyed having him. Instead of putting him to sleep on the day the vet wanted to I kept him for five more days to the point when I knew it was not fair to him.

Those last five days I sat outside and put him on the grass for him to enjoy those last few days of being outside. He still had enough strength to get up and walk to the dirt and roll in it in play, but each day he was sleeping more and more and when I saw that he no longer would take water on his own I knew it was the day.

There never will be another Samuel. I have no heart to get another kitten or cat so I will make peace with my four remaing girls and pray they do not come down with what he got, which could happen.

This is one of the reasons why I long for the New Earth where there will be no death, no suffering, no parting.

You and me both Daryl. The only thing that keeps me going is there are lost souls that still have hope and our job is to reach them for the sake of Christ.

There is no other reason I would want to keep breathing on this earth.