Hi. EGW say in "Adventist Home" that we are not to share our complaints about our spouses with others. I have further read elsewhere that we are not to complain at all. How do we handle concerns/disturbances in situations where we are counselled to not talk about them?

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

Now that is interesting.

Can you give the quote and reference where she says that?

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In His Love, Mercy & Grace

Daryl

Sorry it took me so long to reply here. I was referring to Adventist Home, p. 38 which references Signs of the Times, Nov. 14, 1892 and Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 5, p. 335.

AH: ". . .some who profess to be Christians talk with their neighbors concerning their home difficulties. They relate their grievances in such a way as to call forth sympathy for themselves; but it is a great mistake to pour our trouble into the ear of others, especially when many of our greivances are manufactured and exist because of our irreligious life and defective character. Those who go forth to lay their private grievances before others might better remain at home to pray . . . . A lack of courtesy, a moment of petulance, a single rough, thoughtless word, will mar your reputation, and may close the door to hearts so that you can never reach them."

What are your thoughts? Have I misinterpreted this? I know that I read elsewhere that we are not to complain, but I cannot remember where or when.

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

[This message has been edited by Mrs. Moss (edited October 16, 2000).]

This is so true. If you really stop and think about it, telling our spouse's faults at length to anyone and everyone who will listen is actually a violation of our marriage vows, a very serious betrayal of one's promise to love and honor our chosen mate throughout our lifetime. However, reading this passages and others like it in context, I do not personally believe that it condemns talking things over with a trusted friend or counselor, who experience has shown will help us to look at the other side of the matter and think out how to deal with it, and will keep all such communications in strictest confidence.

I have a couple of good friends that I can talk to about anything, and I know that they will pray about the problems in my life, and whatever I tell them will go no further. They are not the type to agree with me in condemning my husband, but will rather suggest a more tolerant point of view that I may have overlooked. This is a far cry from the type of complainting that Sister White was referring to.

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The Lord is the strength of my life and my portion forever.

[This message has been edited by Cathy Sears (edited October 16, 2000).]

I am not so sure if it is even good to take your problems to a counsellor as they are only human also.

I believe the best thing is to take it all to the Lord in prayer.

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In His Love, Mercy & Grace

Daryl

Sometimes we face problems that overwhelm us, even when Jesus is our friend. I believe that there are definitely times to turn to a counsellor for help, but I also believe that it should be a Christian counsellor. That way, the two of you can take the problem to Christ in prayer, and find a solution there ... sometimes this world is too big for us to handle on our own, and when we feel like that we need someone else's strength - especially if we are not yet strong enough in our faith to "Let go and let God".

I also agree that trusted friends are who we should turn to when we need advice or a sounding block, but it does not seem as if this is what EGW is referring to. I don't have the whole context of where she quotes these statements from, but it does sound to me as if they are blanket statements and that we should never complain aloud about our trials.

Anyone have an opportunity yet to find out what the Bible says about this topic? I'll do some searching myself (and maybe get my Bible study group to help me out tonight, if possible!).

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

Seeking counsel is biblical. But we should choose our counselors very carefully. They should be someone with a very close connection with God themselves.

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The Lord is the strength of my life and my portion forever.

[This message has been edited by Cathy Sears (edited October 19, 2000).]

Even Jesus sought the comfort and solace of friends.
Martha and Mary, along with their brother Lazarus.

He talked with and to His desciples as well.

Their is nothing unscriptural about seeking out a friend to talk to.
There is a friend that is closer than a brother.... Jesus is our closest friend and brother, but there are others that are as well...

Be careful who you trust, they might bite you.

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What is popular is not always right.
What is right is not always popular.
Gerry B.

My dear friends,
When it comes to a shaky marriage [I've been hitched to the same fellah 41 years and looking forward to a great retirement] I have learnt one thing. Someone very near to me in my family almost broke my heart talking about her husband in the vein that she did. After 2 years of professional marriage counselling she came to me and said, "I know it's all my fault now, I have depression". As I am very close to this girl this taught me a very big lesson. Always watch out for this. Never be hasty. If someone came to me about their shaky marriage I would only be too happy to try and talk them through it. I don't think we should have to bottle our stresses up - talking it out helps - if you're talking to the right person but firstly to God. love, Barb

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Barb Loman

I look at it this way:

The writer of Ecclesiastes said "There is a time..." for everything.

If you read "Mind, Character and Personality" Mrs. White puts this instruction in its proper perspective. There are certain principles for healing the mind. One of them is not to impress the "negatives" into our own hearts by repeating them constantly to others.

I've seen letters written from Ellen White's own hand where she mentions "burdens" but never discusses them. Her letters contain mostly encouraging Scriptures.

Throughout the normal course of events, however, the 1st Century churchman James maps out what we should do in James 5:13-18. Verse 16 says, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed (spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially and regarding family "issues"). The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

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As the Happy Moments Roll,

Pastor Andrew

[This message has been edited by A. Marttinen (edited November 06, 2000).]

I like it when the answers come from "The Book"! Thank you for your input. I know that there are times (especially as a newlywed) that I need to bounce things off of other people!!! I still haven't completely figured out this marriage thing!

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

Why does the Bible say "Confess your faults one to another?" (James 5:16).

What implication does this verse have for Sarah's original question about complaining?

(Hint),

The rest of the verse (Jam.5:16), admonishes us to "pray one for another."

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"We are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets; Jesus Christ Himself being the Chief Cornerstone!" (Eph.2:20).

Your brother in Christ

David T. Battler

I think we are to confess our OWN faults, the ones that affect the person you are confessing to, to each other. We are to confess in order to receive forgiveness, to ask for others help in supporting us in our faith. At least, that's my definition of the verse. When we confess our own faults, we are not complaining about someone elses!

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*