Do any of you find that setting aside one day/evening to spend solely with your spouse or your family is beneficial to your relationships? My husband and I have begun setting aside one day where we focus on each other and nothing else . . . but I can't tell yet if it is helping!

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

Hi

The one thing that I have found helps most when you are married is found in the writings of Ellen White but I cant remember exactly where so I'll have to give the quotation from memory.

She said that each person in the marriage should seek to give love and not to try to exact it from the other. Jesus said to give, hoping for nothing in return, which goes along with this same idea, I think.

If you go through life, worrying about if someone else loves you or if other people do this and that bad thing to you, then you will always have something to be upset about.

And dont try to always be feeling hurt if you think something they are doing means they dont love you. Your job is to love them. In fact,Jesus, when He talked about that we should be perfect, said to love those who abuse us or persucute us, for even the pharisees and the heathen love those who love them back. To give real proof you are a child of the King means to love someone whether they love you back or not.

In Ministry of Healing it says that if we keep in our memory the wrong things others have done to us, it will be impossible for us to love them. Think of the good things about the person and not the bad.

And if they do something mean to you, think of how it is hurting them and not you. Your concern should be for them. Help them. And always make sure you didnt do anything on your part to cause it.

Claudia

Thank you for sharing that Claudia!! I think it affects us in many more ways than just our marriages and is good advice to follow in everything we do!

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

Thanks for the memories....(on thanksgiving)

Build the love ,and forget the bad.
Antisipate each other, you won't be sad.

More love that's built from day to day.
You still will live when you both are gray.

Years pile up and kids are grown.
Happy harvests ripen from good seed sown.

Kids will live out what you've had inside.
Parental woe, or parental pride.

Just when gray hairs and sags threaten skids.
Forget all that, here's the grandkids.

Though decades taunt with songs never sung.
Those grandkids sing they keep ya young.

Your joys your hopes your loves your fears.
Guide your heart, it steers your years.

Time will come when your sun has set.
Children vow not to forget.

Time marches on, yet even it; wears out.
Soon heavens split He gives His Shout.

Todays give their vote, comes from the heart.
This is the election, family is the start.

Saints at home, saints up there.
Fight down here, no crown to wear.

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Edward F Sutton

[This message has been edited by Edward F Sutton (edited November 23, 2000).]

Did you write that poem yourself, Ed?

Henry Wadsworth BIGMOUTH guilty as charged.

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Edward F Sutton

Sarah, Yes,I believe the nagging did help, though it wasn't real nagging, it was a reminder every so often of what he should be doing for his own health.So that when he was asked by the Dr, he was ready to do it.
We had been a year before to another Dr, and she had tried to get him on an exercise program for his health, but it failed miserably!
Now we are enjoying the benifits of walking and talking together.

Allan and I spend Mondays together doing something special like going places we don't normally have time for.For us, it is certainly paying off.

....................
Be Still,My Soul
Zita

Having never been a loving wife, I can offer expert advise in this area. First of all, never remodel a house together. Wives are just too full of bad ideas as to how it ought to be done. This is probably the 8th leading cause of divorces. Never ride in a car together. Wives believe that husbands have no skill of driving unless a constant stream of instruction is given. Never watch TV together. Wives believe the remote ought to be disabled or sparingly used. Husbands know that TV was invented so that remotes could be put to good and constant use. Never go to a show together. There is no common ground of similar interests in movies between husbands and wives. Never get dinner for two at a restaurant, you should be getting the idea why by now!

Bottom line, to be a loving wife, don't try to make him like what you like, it won't work.

What about this exercise thing - is that all you ladies think about, trying to get the head of the household doing walks, situps, etc? Oops, better get to the treadmill, I've got a doctor's appointment in a few weeks, and the last two years he has mentioned something about exercise! But then as much as I pay him, he ought to listen to me instead of the other way around.

I have to admit that you have a very valid point - it is all too tempting to try to change someone when they are doing something you don't like.

I'm glad my husband is not completely like me. That would make for a very boring home - he has a strange sense of humour that gets me laughing and sometimes even rubs off on me. He has fun in life.

But, many people tell me that I need to "train" my husband. Is there not a line we can draw. Obviously, changes need to be made once a couple is married - you cannot live like two bachelors in one house if you want a truly satisfying marriage. How do you draft, refine and revise the "rules" as you go along? How do you know when to argue a point or to let it alone?

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Sarah Moss
*Prayer Changes Things!*

WHOA - WAIT A MINUTE
The forum rules specifically state that the topic of any thread should not change. The topic of this thread is how to be a loving, Christian wife. It says nothing about what a husband should do. To make such a bold statement that you cannot live like two bachelors in one home is inferring that the husband has some responsibility. That is clearly beyond the subject of this topic. FOUL!!!!!

The duty of the wife is to follow the directions and guidelines set down by the Biblical head of the household, know what he wants for dinner each nite without his having to verbalize it. Keep the kids quiet during the televising of the wrestling matches or other significant sports events. Pick up and wash all dirty sox and underwear. Polish his shoes. And work at a high paying job to provide all the toys he was denied as a child.

Therein lies the whole duty of a wife, unless the head of the house wants more!!!