I fill in a couple of times a year for a friend of mine who is a property manager. As I am filling in while she is away for the holidays, I see a little of what property managers (and some landlords) go through. My friend has these definitions tacked up in the office. Hope you enjoy.

A lot - The amount of rent everybody pays; e.g., "Listen, I pay a lot of rent and expect my toilet to work!" See: toilet.

Assessement - The principle occupation of the maintenance staff when working near the swimming pool; i.e., trying to figure out which resident might by willing to date them.

Broker - What you become after buying a fixer-upper from a real estate agent.

Clean - adj. Vague word whose definition depends upon whether a resident is moving in or moving out.

Equity - n. The part of the building that is owned by you instead of the bank. See: door.

Frustration - Receiving a noise complaint at 2 a.m. Saturday, driving over to the building and discovering that the party is so loud they can't hear you pounding on the front door.

Half bath - n. The amount of water that leaks into the apartment downstains when the shower curtain isn't closed.

Lease - A document drafted by attorneys that expresses, in 4 pages of very small print, the thought: "No pay no stay."

Taxes - The only known thing in the universe that are immune to gravity. They always go up.

Toilet - Plumbing device used by children to test Barbie's diving ability.

I wonder if anyone reading identifies with any of these?

[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Linda Sutton ]